Since time is linear, why do we wear wristwatches that go round and round? We occupy such a minute portion of space and time, a mere nanosecond of cosmic history. Clearly I believe what I’m wearing on my wrist is woefully inadequate, not even close to measuring up to the task of making the most of our time. I’m thinking spiral, the kind that occurs when you drop a coin in one of those donation contraptions at the supermarket, the ones that send the coin on a journey traveling around and around in a spiral of increasing speed until it drops into the till, time having run out for that nickle. That it remains in space and time, just out of sight, well, that’s another mystery for another writer.

So what we need is a watch that represents the way we experience time. First, we need a starting point for our different wristwatch. That’s easy. The moment we enter space and time, get taken off mothers life support, our birth. Second, and this is the tricky part, one that requires a leap of faith, to borrow some concepts from accounting and tax law. We need to know how long we’ll be staying. As difficult as that may sound, there is an answer. Should we happen to stay on past our actuarially provided life expectancy, we continue on borrowed time, time I might add that will not have to be paid back, a debt that we get to take with us. And what about an earlier exit? Well, haven’t you ever read the fine print on your birth certificate, the boilerplate stuff on the reverse side, about the maker having the right, without prior notice, written or otherwise, to call the loan? That's right folks, the sentient time we spend here on the planet, is subject to that clause, No. 37a, if memory serves me correctly. It has been a while since I last looked.

Ok, so far it works for me. Now what is this wristwatch supposed to look like, how does it work, what is the margin of error, how is it to be made so that it views like one of those supermarket donation contraptions I mentioned earlier. No problem, it’s just some sort of holographic illusion that looks just like the one in the supermarket, you being that silver thing spiraling around and around, clearly occupying a precise point in a larger three dimensional image, one that is our very own; unique and complete. As far as margin of error, please refer to No. 37a. We could even add some sound effects; yes, the sound of traveling through time. I like that. And the best part about it is how the revolutions go forward at an increasingly accelerating clip, just like the real deal.

So what do you say, I’m sure there must be a techie or two out there who could pull this off. I’ll be the first to order a few. What a great gift, perfect for any occasion.